i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
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I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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