i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
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We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
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I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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