did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
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Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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