I heard we made out
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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