He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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