Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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