now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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