No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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