I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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