so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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