I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize