wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He did a backflip because drugs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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