I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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