Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
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He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
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To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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