I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
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At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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