If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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