Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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