i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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