It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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