i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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