So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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