He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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