There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize