Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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