Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
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I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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