I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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