She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
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I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
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javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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