Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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