She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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