i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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