i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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