So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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