So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
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It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
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Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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