I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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