Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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