Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
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he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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