I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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