He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
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if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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