I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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