I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize