I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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