thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
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THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
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You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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