I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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