so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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