I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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