He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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