I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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