Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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