I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
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I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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