she peed on how many people?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
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He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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